How could you?!?

As 2020 crawls to an end I keep hearing people say, “How could you not wear a mask/ go to a big gathering/ travel to someplace/ or vote for him”. An already ugly year has sunk even deeper for most of us as the US election grinds towards a conclusion. Fatigue has set in; tensions are high, and tempers are flaring.

Friends are attacking a friend because her state voted a way they oppose. Kind, mild manner people are snapping at co-workers. Friendships are ending due to differing political perspectives. Bridges are being burned between family members, friends and colleagues. It’s disheartening to most of us. We want to get back to a time where family and/or friends could meet up for dinner and drinks, have interesting conversations and connect on a personal level. A dose of normalcy would be welcome right now.

Sadly, the pandemic isn’t ending this week, the election results are taking time to get sorted out, and yet life must go on. How do we find peace during all this turmoil? Is it possible to stay friends with people who see things differently? What can I do to keep friends without being a punching bag?

Here are 3 tips for getting through these chaotic times with some sanity left.

1. Listen: We need to be ready to listen to what others are feeling, seeing, or experiencing. If we can calmly listen, without judgement or disagreeing we can help people who are hurt, or scared feel heard. You don’t have to change your opinion just listen to theirs. It’s a kindness that is needed right now.
2. Remember QTIPs: QTIP is an acronym I saw for Quit Taking It Personally. Remember that people’s angst is their issue not yours. It may feel like they are attacking you, and yet it may only be venting. And if they are blaming you for something in the world at large, remember you don’t control what the world does, how other’s feel, or what people say. Manage your emotions and reactions which is all you can do. People’s behavior says more about them than it does about you, so don’t take the blame they are pushing.
3. THINK before you speak: This is another acronym I’ve had on my office wall over the years. Before you speak up ask yourself: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? If you can’t answer yes to all of these ask if this is something you really need to share now. It’s okay to express your feelings or concern, please make sure it’s done in a way that allows space for what other’s may be feeling. THINKing before you speak can help you manage your message which gives you a better chance to be heard.

There is so much hate rhetoric out in the world right now. We can use our voice to bring understanding to those we interact with each day. Wouldn’t it be nice to have others take time to understand our perspective? It may take you starting the conversation by seeking to understand their perspective. Let’s be the person who openly exchanges ideas, promotes acceptance and welcomes new perspectives. We do this we can, hopefully, hear less statements that start with “How could you”.

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