Thriving not Surviving

You’ve gotten feedback, now what?

Most of us appreciate getting feedback on how we can grow and improve. Sadly, the most helpful feedback can be found in the harsh criticisms of our boss or colleagues. When we feel unjustly attacked for an error or perceived slight it’s easy to slide into a negative spiral.

When we hear something that feels unfair or overly critical, we want to ignore it and blame the giver for being mean. Yet, we too often dwell on the comments and they become part of our inner dialog. thoughts circle around and around in our mind about how we screwed up, or we failed, or we don’t deserve this treatment. Our inner critic latches on and we can’t escape the negativity.

This cycle is horrible for two reasons. First, we are harming ourselves and our confidence by allowing the inner critic to keep picking at the feedback. We can get stuck in the feeling of failure and can’t move forward which impacts our performance and relationships....

We’ve all gotten mixed signals at work at one point or another. One manager says “Speak up more” while another tells you to “Let others speak up”. So, which is it? Talk more or talk less?

What if it’s both?

If you are getting conflicting feedback from different managers take a few minutes to reflect on why they have different messages. You need to look at what is going on and driving the feedback.

Things to look for:

1. Their perspective: What is their perspective? Do they see you only in meetings with more senior leaders or do they see you only in team meetings / daily work activities?
2. What’s different: If they see you in different settings there may be differences in your behavior. Do you speak up and work to control the flow of meetings at the team level but sit quietly in the room with senior leaders?
3. Why is there a difference: Do you feel intimidated by senior leaders or feel like it’s not your place to correct them or challenge...